nostalgicatsea | Entries tagged with rambling

I didn’t realize this until I was about to post it, but “Pyriscence” is a nice bookend because it marks the end of an era with Endgame being a farewell to the past decade of the MCU and because my first fic ever in the Marvel fandom and on AO3 also had a one-word title dealing with nature (and warmth). It feels unintentionally poetic in a way, because those are the only fics with one-word titles other than the Warrior ficlet, or maybe I’m getting a little sentimental and overthinking things.

It just made me reflect on what I’ve written these past several years and how, or whether, my writing has evolved since then. I feel like I’m missing the sense of rhythm I used to have back when I first started out to some extent, but maybe that’s because those fics were shorter so that was easier to accomplish. Now I’m able to write long fics! I’ve been writing longer things, which isn’t a thing that I was sure was possible even though I used to write pages and pages when I was a kid (but the stories were very bad lol). It’s not a struggle to do that and I don’t get writer’s block as much as I used to.

And I’m able to write MCU Tony! I can write from his POV, and I can write him talking for more than a few lines! I still have a long way to go in terms of capturing his wit and energy, but to cut myself some slack, I’ve also been putting him in extremely difficult, sad situations. I’ll see how things go if I write less angsty things, but I used to be so daunted by him so I’m happy that I’ve gotten more comfortable with writing him.

Anyway, I’m in the mood to write which seems to happen a lot nowadays when I post something, but I don’t know what. Endgame is almost here which is a terrifying thought because I’m afraid of what the future holds for the fandom especially considering how long I’ve been in it and how much it’s been an enormous and integral part of my life. I don’t know if I should start anything now because I’m afraid I’m going to lose my motivation after watching the movie, I’d want to change things in the story or stories, or I’d want to write something else entirely based off of the movie.

I have two more fandom stocking gifts that I wanted to finish so I told myself that I wouldn't treat myself to my own gifts until that happens, and hopefully that would act as both a carrot and a stick to finish ASAP because YAY, TREATS and OH NO, I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO THINK I'M IGNORING THEM WHEN THEY WERE NICE ENOUGH TO STUFF MY STOCKING!!!!! But the guilt kind of pushed me into taking a peek, and I feel bad because I wanted to fill so many stockings with fandom and non-fandom stuff except to no one's surprise, I was busier than I expected over the holidays. :/

I'm definitely going to finish the gifts I have in mind because I have a clear idea of what I want to do and one of them is mostly done and the other, which I haven't started, is something I wanted to do for a few months now for this person. I'm going to have to give up on making anything else though just because I don't want to give something several days after reveals especially to people I've never interacted with as I don't know how often they'd check their stockings now that this year's FS is over.

Anyway, this is just a post letting you know that if you stuffed my stocking, THANK YOU SO MUCH!<3 Seeing everyone's posts made me all warm inside. Fandom people are so lovely. I'll be getting around to replying to everyone soon. I just wanted to write this so people don't get worried that I hate their fill or something which is one hundred percent not the case. It's not you, it's me. For real.

1. Work on my MTH fic for sabre. I made a little progress on Sunday and have about 2.4k so far, but I'm worried it's boring. There's almost no dialogue so far, and that's fine if there's action, but nothing's happening either. It's just Natasha thinking. It feels so static, which is something I struggle with as a writer. I feel like nothing ever happens in my fics lol. I don't know how to fix this fic, and I don't think I can. :|

2. Do some fandom_stocking fills. I don't have time to do anything big, but I want to make things! I did one fill so far, but that was just a picspam. I know it's a no-commitment event, but I'd feel bad if I didn't do anything because that's what happened with previous no-commitment events (this is my first time doing FS, though) and I don't like the feeling that I'm like "GIMME STUFF >:U" and not doing anything in return. I'm very much in the mood to write things now although one idea, more than the others, is screaming, "PICK ME, PICK ME!" and I don't have time to write it because I feel like it'll be 6k-10k or more. I don't know what I'm going to do. We'll see what happens! Maybe I'll end up making stuff that isn't Steve/Tony. That'll be exciting. :) I want to challenge myself by stepping out of my comfort zone.

3. Finish commenting on asktheravens's ghost!Tony fic that she wrote for me for FTH. Read it if you haven't! Here's the summary:

Steve returned from the war injured in body and mind- and able to see the dead. At loose ends and desperate to get out of New York City, he accepts a fellowship through the Stark Foundation and retreats to a quiet lake house on the grounds of the Stark Mansion. He's supposed to be there to paint, but he quickly realizes that the house is more than he bargained for. Anthony Stark died here a decade ago, but was it an accident? A suicide? Or a murder? Obadiah Stane still lives in the main house just up the hill, and the past casts a long shadow.

When Tony's ghost begins appearing to him, Steve becomes more entwined in the dangerous mystery surrounding his death. Even worse, he finds himself falling for a man who died a decade ago...

Features lots of ghosts, murder, secrets, and supernatural revenge. Also Thor and Rhodey.

And here's my post gushing about it and Tishawisha's beautiful art. I wanted someone to write a story like this for so long, and Molly was the perfect writer for it.<3

I have to finish writing comments. I'm on chapter 3 or 4, and rereading it while commenting has been a pleasure.

4. Read sabrecmc's post-Infinity War time travel fix-it where Steve goes back to when Tony's parents just died and Tony is sad and messy and doesn't hide his attraction for Steve. I can't wait to read this! Sabre and I talked about it because I love this gifset, and I thought the idea of Steve coming across a younger Tony, especially in 1991, would be great angst fodder because Tony doesn't know who Steve is, hasn't learned how to hide behind masks as well as he does now, and doesn't hate him and because his grief over his parents' death would be much sharper. I'm saving it as a reward for finishing #1-3 or at least #3. I can't wait to read it!

5. Sign up for Remix Madness...or not. I want to do at least one fandom event this year, but I don't know how much time I have to write something because I really want to finish or at least make a good amount of progress on two long fics I've been trying to write for a few years, especially the soulbond one which I can't seem to abandon completely. It's been FOUR-AND-A-HALF YEARS at this point! I want to move on! I want to try to get it done by the time Endgame comes out. The other fic...I'm not in too much of a hurry because it starts off as a non-powered AU and then becomes a IM2-set AU. Weirdly, I'm okay with that, but I'm somehow not okay with setting the soulbond fic after TWS and feel like it'll be extremely outdated if I do that. Anyway, Remix Madness. No obligation to write anything, I know, but the way I said I felt about FS in #2 applies here. :/

I wasn't going to use this account for anything other than following comms, reading other people's posts and commenting on them, and crossposting my fics, but here I am. The biggest reasons behind that were that I've become lazy and impatient—as have many people—when it comes to blogging with the way Tumblr and Twitter work, I didn't and don't think I have much to talk about, and I'm used to having an account just for the sole purpose of participating in comms and interacting with people on their journals as that's how I did things on LJ.

With the Tumblr fiasco earlier this month, I checked out my flist/reading page for the first time in months, and I realized that I really missed reading people's personal posts about the fandoms they're in and their lives. I missed seeing conversation threads. Twitter and Tumblr have that, but content feels ephemeral on both platforms due to the way they're set up. It's hard to go back to a conversation unless you liked or bookmarked it whereas with Dreamwidth, the conversation is all in one place and you won't miss it just because you weren't online the minute it was happening or a few hours after it happened. It's not weird to jump into a conversation that took place a few days ago. I miss that. I miss seeing long comments. I miss seeing the thoughtfulness that comes with a slower pace of posting/commenting. There was a lot to chew on, and if I'm going to run with the eating metaphor, I feel full like I'm eating good, hearty meals. Tumblr/Twitter is mainly a lot of binge snacking. Okay, this is starting to run away from me. Anyway, I'm the most active on Tumblr and Twitter and that's not going to change anytime soon, but I think I'm going to use DW more. I hope so at least. It's a nice place for people like me who ramble on and on haha.

So what's up with me? Nothing much. This Christmas has been the most uneventful one in years and I expect NYE will be the same as I don't have any plans besides a bit of work...and yet I've somehow been incredibly busy. A lot of last-minute things have popped up. I don't mind that too much other than it cutting into my writing time which I'm slightly grumpy about. I wanted to do a comm gift for the Cap-Iron Man fandom for years now, and every year I think I'll be able to do one and every year it never happens. Looks like this year is going the same way. Maybe I can write a 100-200 word drabble. That's doable, right? Disappointing and most likely unsatisfying for the person who submitted the prompt even though the fanwork is supposed to be for the community but doable.

There's also Fandom Stocking. I finally remembered to sign up this year! I forget every year, but it happened! I'm not sure I can fill stockings with fics as, again, I don't have much time to write nowadays and I do better with a mix of general and specific prompts rather than a list of likes and dislikes, but we'll see what happens. I'm determined to fill stockings with other goodies, though, regardless of whether I'm able to make anything original. I want to! I don't feel comfortable with putting up a stocking and expecting fanworks (not that I actually expect anything specific; I'll be happy with one holiday greeting and I also don't mind getting nothing at all lol) when I can't do the same for others. :/

Anyway, if you guys want to see my stocking and if anyone is even reading this as no one might be because this post is SO LONG, here it is. Surprise! There's more than Steve/Tony and Marvel on there! I thought this was a great opportunity to include pairings and fandoms that I normally don't seek content for/don't feel as strongly about as my OTP or main fandom but still enjoy.

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
					1	2
3	4	5	6	7	8	9
10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23
24	25	26	27	28	29	30
31

hiraeth

the love that remains

Entries tagged with rambling

At the end (in a way?) and looking back

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